us. together.

I never realized how passionate I am about mission, about equal opportunities for all, and about proudly standing up for those in a vulnerable state. My heart longs to continue to help others in a powerful and meaningful way.

As I was at the cafe around the corner, about to order a cup of tea, I started having a conversation with a woman who was also in line. After telling her a little bit about what GO does, we began talking about creating positive change, working together as one to reach a common goal. We ordered our tea and stood together with our cups in hand continuing to talk. We started talking about communities, the formation of GO community and integrating GO into the Vancouver community. We got on to the topic of poverty and the formation of communities that happens in multiple different places on the street. As were were talking this woman said, and I quote "well, those street people smell, and have no jobs. they got themselves in that position, so they can get themselves out. why would you want to associate with them?".

WHAT?! Did that just come out of your mouth?!

If that didn't get my blood pumping I don't know what will! The minute I heard the word smell, no job and them, my blood was rushing to my head, my heart was pumping, and I think I was about to explode. I had to take a deep breath. Many deep breaths. Clearly this individual is so self absorbed that she didn’t realize the words that came out of her mouth.

I paused long and hard before I spoke. I didn't even know really what to say, and was surprised to hear the words come out of my mouth. I looked her in the eye and said "because they are God's children. Whether they have showered, own a home, or have a job, each and everyone of them are worthy and belong".

With a very stunned look on her face, she looked at me and said, "go on"

At first I was a hesitant, not sure if she was being rude or genuine, but thought to myself, this is my opportunity to change this woman's perspective, and so I invited her to have a seat and I carried on. I talked about how fortunate we are that we are blessed with food and shelter, jobs and benefits, but these things do not make us any different from those that do not have. We are all human beings. We are all one big family in this world and so let's start treating one another that way. Let's start treating one another like we all belong. That we are all welcome. I encouraged this woman to throw away the 'us vs. them' mentality, and starting thinking of all those within the community as 'us together; all individuals with many different stories'. I encouraged this woman to have a new perspective, to change her outlook and to use words that are uplifting rather then degrading. I'll never forget learning 'dirty vs. used', when thinking of a fork that someone has eaten off of. How easy words can come out of our mouths and not realizing how they can affect others.

The conversation was over an hour. She asked questions, pondered, and from her facial expressions I could tell her wheels were turning. She shared stories of her family, her life and how she has had little experience working with those in poverty and/or living on the street. She shared her stereotypes, asked questions on how to break those stereotypes down, and acknowledged that she is closed minded and needs her walls broken. I shared with her my e-mail, in hopes that she may reach out and we can connect again. 

It is my hope that she left realizing what a wonderfully diverse culture we live in, filled with many different people, all with unique backgrounds and personalities. That even though there those within the same community, some who are struggling, and some who are not, and whose life stories are far different from one another, may we someday realize, we are all beautifully made by God.

And so today, my $4.00 cup of tea turned cold by the time our conversation was over, but I think this woman left transformed and with a new perspective on the world we live in. I walked away with a smile on my face and realization that I helped create a small difference within the life of someone else. I now pray our conversation stirs deep within her heart, and opens her eyes to all the members of her home community.

2 years: Happy Birthday Blog!

Two years ago I sat down and filled a void I didn't knew existed.
Two years ago I did the unimaginable.
Two years ago I began to write.

Today, on this exact day, marks the day my little blog turns 2!

I am not really sure what sparked me, but I had an urge to write. I needed to take my heart and open it for the world to see. I needed to let everyone know that although my life is ordinary, there's nothing in particular that makes me 'unique' from everyone else; it is beautiful. My everyday life is a reason to celebrate. My beautiful life.

If you told me that 2 years to the day of starting this little space, over 10 000 people from all over the world would viewed it- I would never believe you. I am still amazed as I watch the numbers rise, and I often ask "okay seriously, whose actually reading?". But it's not about numbers. Yes, I LOVE getting comments and hearing from people, there is indeed a special feeling that comes along with that, but I created this space to celebrate life. real beautiful life. The beauty of family and friends, transitions and celebrations. The beauty that comes along with frustrations and challenges, anger and annoyance. The beauty in children and flowers, water and skies and even sparkly toes.

I think too often we go through the motions of life. The Monday-Friday work week, and weekends full of activities and plans. We fill our calendars with 'stuff', make appointments months in advance and live year to year rather then day to day. We rush here and there, become frustrated when things don't go our way, and often forget to stop and celebrate what we do have. Many aren't able to work, don't have the finances for activities, or health benefits to see the dentist. When I was with a friend whose also a mentor awhile back, we were talking about raising kids, and the difficulty parents face at trying to make each day worthy and whole while still creating experiences and instilling morals and values. She talked about being in the car with her girls, whether it going to dance, school or doctors, and how she really tries to make the car a place of conversation and memories rather then the 'rush mobile'. That by turning the radio down, asking questions and even stopping to pray for the emergency response crews that wiz by, she hopes the car rides can be a beautiful place.

As the past two years that have gone by, I've become more aware at the amount of people who are so keen to rush rather then take the time to build memories. There are few who take the time for reflection, and time to be present in the moment. It's hard. We all want to be good multi-taskers, to be present in today, but also thinking about tomorrow. I myself struggle to stay present to celebrate each day, moment, second. Even right now I have a count down to June 16 when the site staff arrive, how excited I am to be working with great people who will become close friends. The moments that I struggle with being away I count down the weeks till I'm home, and when the number seems huge, I know the days will fly.

It's a balance. A balance that is hard to maintain. A balance I work towards each and everyday. A balance of celebrating the beauty of life one moment at a time, but also looking forward to the next beautiful thing to come. In this moment, I celebrate my little blog. My blog that continues to show me that everyday there is something to be thankful for. That everyday the sun can shine even if its cloudy and rainy.

So bring on the pixie dust. This chicks celebrating my little blog!
Cheers to today, tomorrow, and the many more moments to come!
Happy Birthday Blog! xo

and, for good time sake, let's go down 2011-2012 Header Memory Lane:

Nuggets: Everyday life

I think this is a record of me. 3 posts in 1 week. I am trying really hard to make it a priority to blog. Not because I feel I have to, but because I WANT to. I find myself able to relax, to let go of things that are on my mind, and just be real with life. As I write and scroll through pictures, I also get the opportunity to appreciate life again.

Throughout the past 2 weeks I've experienced what it's like to work in an office, to go to work Monday-Friday 8-4pm. I've experienced what it feels to sit at a desk for the majority of the day, answering phones, making calls, checking emails etc. It's boring. The office work is really boring. But its the other stuff that makes it all worth while. The opportunity to connect with individuals whom are coming to visit, sharing stories, taking a moment to connect with an elder stopping to pick something up. It's be great. Then there are the 'co-workers'. The staff at the church which makes things interesting, whom are supportive and source of information, but also turn into friends and colleagues. We work alongside one another, helping to reach a common goal; with sides of laughter and stories.

I started off wondering how I was going to survive, and now the two weeks are up and gone. Susan and I were talking at the church today, discussing how natural it felt to be there. How we created a groove and it worked. Like all the pieces of the puzzle just somehow fit. Tomorrow, I'm talking my piece of the puzzle and flying across the country to Vancouver to create a new picture. It may take some time, but I am sure, the puzzle pieces too will come together. The picture may be a little different, the shapes and sizes of the pieces will change, but a new picture will come together creating beauty, friendships, goals and dreams.

Tomorrow will be a long day. Over 13 hours of travelling and then a couple hours of trying to keep myself awake before I can go to bed. I arrive in Vancouver at 3:45pm, which will really feel like 8:30pm! It's not the day I'm most looking forward to, but I'm praying for safe flights, no pain, and a little bit of rest on the travels. I am fortunate enough that for my longest flight from T.O. to Vancouver I have an exit seat- more leg room for me! :)

Well before I do my final packing, here are some Friday nuggets:

:: I have this sleep app on my phone, and I must admit it has changed my life. It tracks your sleep throughout the night and in the morning wakes you up when you are in the lightest stages of your sleep. The theory is, if you wake up when you're in a deep sleep, you'll feel more tired then if  your woken in a lighter stage of sleep, even if its 15 minutes before you wanted to wake. This was the tracking for a night last week. I think it's fair to say I was TIRED!

:: One thing I miss about the summer's spent at home are getting a pedicure. I love having my toes painted. It's one thing that really makes me feel good. Looking down and seeing sparkly shiny toes. The other day I sat outside in the cool winds and gave myself a pedi.

:: A little treasure found hidden in the tall grasses.

:: I loved this red colour so much, I painted my nails. Its not often that I paint my nails, but this red is a fire smoking, red hot RED! It's sophisticated, sexy and classy all in one.

:: The weather here in St. John's is the opposite of what it's like a home. Its sunny outside, however there is a very cool windchill. I'm trying to pretend it's spring outside by enjoying the flowers in my office and drinking some water with lemon. So refreshing!

:: When I was sitting in Ettie's living room the other day, I couldn't help but notice the circle of friends she had on her shelf. I thought it would be a great centre piece for the worship table at GO, seeing as our theme is all on Bodies. The Body of the Church. The Body of Christ. The Body of our World. When I asked if we could borrow it, she proceed to show me this other circle, however this one with a space. I LOVE it! This image that the circle is never really complete. There is always space for more. What a great concept.

:: Last nights dinner was a success! Susan and Betty joined Ettie and I for dinner and I made homemade lasagna with salad and garlic sticks. It was so delicious. I must admit I was a bit hesitant about making it, seeing as I haven't made lasagna in a very long time, but it turned out great.

And with that I'm off. I'm diving into my second book of the summer- goal is to finish 5! 

May you all have an amazing weekend.

Next stop: Vancouver

Smiling Heart

I've finished exams. Moved out of my student house. Spent my last weekend ever with my girls at 10 Tara. Unpacked some of my boxes. Packed my suitcase for Toronto. Worked in Toronto for 3 weeks. Returned home for a night and repacked my bags. Flew to St. John's. Been here in for over a week doing program planning. Starting to pack my bags again as I leave for Vancouver on Saturday. It's been busy. It's been an amazing, challenging, full of opportunity; journey.

But today. Today I am thinking of the wonderful ladies I've lived with for the past 3 years. The girls that changed my life, and I'm not really sure what to say. They have been on my heart lately. I never really wrote a 'goodbye' post, and don't necessarily think one is needed. Its not goodbye; our friendship isn't over, rather its shifting and changing. A transition. But I think something is needed to be said for all the thing's I'll never forget. Or at least I'll try not to forget.

But before I do that, lets honour the 3 ladies that helped me survive the past 4 years. Amanda, Steph and Jaclyn. These 3 beautiful ladies completed me. Whether they know it or not, they transformed my life. They helped shape who I am today. They are part of the many University memories. The memories I'll think back upon as I've grown into a young adult. They challenged me to look deeper, to think outside the box, to relax and have fun. There were many nights of conversation, thinking about our past, shaping our future, but enjoying the present.

So lets remember the little things that made my heart smile and made me feel at home.
I'll never forget,
... stumbling in the house and tripping over the various size and combinations of shoes at the front door
... country nights
... the knocks on my bedroom door, and visits just to see 'whats up'
... tuesday night family dinners
... kitchen dance parties
... late night movies
... laughing at stupidity
... or the moments we're actually funny
... knowing exactly what to do in times of crisis
... explosions in the laundry room
... shovelling the driveway and then enjoying dinner together freshly prepared by our next door neighbour Mary
... baking parties
... bucket lists
... hearing the thumps of someone going up or down the stairs and knowing whose feet they belong to
... chore chart
... calling Amanda into my room to fix my hair
... code red, purple, blue, orange, magenta
... the moments where we all give the same answer, because at times, we are the same person
... family trips to DQ
... leaving the bar early and talking about how old we feel
... painting nails in the living room
... trips to Niagara Falls
... getting ready for holidays, parties or celebrations
... hearing the music blared from the bathroom as a certain someone showers
... the greetings when walking in the house
... reliving our childhood every weeknight at 7pm when Full House comes on
... hearing loud and clear "Hi Dog" as Jaclyn talks to her dog on the phone
... family photo shoots before going out (even if it takes me 15 minutes to convince them its a good idea)
... the fact that if I wasn't sure what to wear, I could check 3 other wardrobes
... messages left on my desk just to cheer me up
... classic text messages of "coming home in 5 minutes, be prepared for ____"
... waking to the bus stop with a friend
... the smell of different laundry soaps and knowing whose doing laundry
... the moments when G-Babe and Gladice were born
... retelling the story of how we became friends
... and there's many many more!

Cheers to you three wonderful friends, roommates and memory builders. Love and miss you tons! xo

"A Friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are"

Icebergs!

When Susan, the Child and Youth Minister at St. James U.C. here in St. John's told me there was still icebergs in the ocean I really didn't believe what she was saying. Icebergs? Here in St. John's Nfld? I mean I know we're on the most Eastern side of Canada, but common there aren't icebergs in the ocean. Not here. When I think icebergs I think Alaska. North West Territories. I think north. 

When Susan asked if I'd like to go hunting for icebergs, and seeing as though I've never seen a berg before, I was more than thrilled to be invited and responded with an immediate YES! So, Sunday, Susan, Hannah and I went on a trip to the ocean's coast and went searching for icebergs.

Our first stop was signal hill. It was VERY windy at the top but there, to the left, off in the distance was the first iceberg! It looked so small from the top of the hill, however when you compared it to the little boat that was also in the water, you could tell it was HUGE!

 

 

I was much like a 4 year old on Christmas. Huge smiles, lots of exciting giggles, and even the odd scream of amazement! I couldn't get over the beauty. We stopped at Middlecove beach to get a better view of the first iceberg. So amazing!

 

 

We also saw two more, one at Shoe Cove, and another at Outer Cove. Each time the size increased and my amazement doubled. I just couldn't get over it. Icebergs. Huge, massive icebergs!

 

Although the size of the iceberg above water was indescribable, I couldn't even grasp that it was only 1/9 of the size- the rest was under water. What a huge metaphor for life. For this world we live in. Often we don't even realize that one action that may seem huge, can really be much larger then we can see. As I've been working for The GO Project, I kept thinking of the youth that have made such an impact on my life but also the lives of the communities we've engaged with. That their one action, in their minds could have been 'just an act', but really it has transformed lives and made a monumental impact to someone else.

 

 

I am so grateful that Susan and her daughter Hannah took me out to see another one of God's wondrous creations. I think pictures speak louder then words, and from the smile that was smeared across my face, I think it's pretty fair to say I was beyond happy!!

I hope you've enjoyed your long weekend. Its been a chilly one here, but at least the sun in shining.

xo

Friday Nuggets: Newfoundland Style

Nugget's have been missing for awhile, so I'm bringing them back. This will be the first set of Friday Nugget's for the summer coming all the way from St. John's Nfld. Overall I am feeling so settled here which is lovely. The staff at St. James are so open, welcoming and helpful, the woman I'm staying with, Ettie, is hilarious, genuine and we get along like 2 peas in a pod. As for work, I'm feel really productive and although have lots of work still ahead, I'm feeling confident that all will come together. So with the long weekend finally here, enjoy some Friday nuggets.

:: Our last night of coordinator training was spent at Michael and Ryan's farm. It was so nice to escape the city and enjoy the country living. I think my heart longs to be living in the country, as every time I'm there I feel so relaxed, at ease and peaceful. We enjoyed the night with friends; relaxing, laughing, sharing our hearts and cherishing the last night together. Monopoly deal + friends + country + wine = one happy me!

:: The morning, after a delicious brunch made by Ryan, the team headed to Five Oaks to close our training with walking the labyrinth. Michael asked us to stop at each turn and really think of what God was saying. How was the Spirit moving? What would we take forward? Throughout the whole prayer, I kept feeling and hearing God say "I am here. You are not alone. We will walk together". During our time together in training, and even when I accepted the job, my biggest apprehension and fear was that I would be alone. That I'll be working in 2 cities that are not home, one of which I've never even worked at, and that I wouldn't have others to lean on. As I prayed and walked the labyrinth, it was very clear that even though the coordinators are not in the same city, we won't even see one another after GO for debrief, nor will our teams ever met up; we are still working together. We are still supporting and upholding one another from a distance, and through successes and struggles we'll be here for one another...as too will God.

:: The flowers in my office at the church are reminding me of spring. At least the spring we have in Ontario. Newfoundland is a completely different world. Later this week *fingers crossed weather is good* I'll be posting pictures of icebergs...yes...icebergs!! It's crazy to think how different each province is with weather. Never the less, the flowers are pink, bright and cheerful!

:: Say goodbye to the most uncomfortable chair in the world. Say hello to the most comfortable chair in the world. Yes the chair on the left was the office chair that I had for the beginning of last week. It was super low to the ground, horrific on the back, and the chair I dreaded to sit in each day. Wednesday however, the minister says to me "hey Hillary, want a new office chair?" and pulls out this high back, soft, lots of support, beautiful cushion office chair from storage! I could have kissed his feet. Who knew a chair could make the world of a difference.

:: The picture texts from the Mommy of these two lovely beans makes me extremely happy. I try not to think about the fact that when I come home at the end of the summer, little peanut will be crawling and standing and Mr. Man will be heading to school in September. Instead, I hold tight to the memories I have and know many more will be made when I return.

:: This Monday a young orchestra will be performing at St. James and I couldn't help but notice they are from Newfoundland, but also NIAGARA! Depending on how I'm feeling I may just go and see the concert. Orchestra's aren't exactly my thing, if it was a choir I'd be all over it- however I may just have to see. I'll keep ya posted.

:: Tonight I headed out for dinner and a movie with two youth from St. James who were participants at The GO Project last summer. It was so awesome to hang out, catch up on this past year and do something for the night. We went to a restaurant in the mall call Fog City which made me laugh as I thought back to my airport experience last summer. Besides that reminder of that, the food was delicious, the company was better and the staff were tall and hot! 

 :: This is how I'm feeling right now. With no plans tomorrow; except to sleep in and go for a walk, forecast of sunshine (although that could easily change), and a weekend full of relaxation I'm feeling pretty happy.

Sending happiness and sunshine to you for a remarkable weekend!

Happy Friday! xo

Whirlwind

It's been a whirlwind, but I have now began my journey of The GO Project. I have 1 large suitcase full of clothes, a small carry on of other stuff, my backpack full of electronics...and a heart full of love. I left London with a full heart. With so many people praying and thinking of me. With friends calling and texting wishing for me to have a safe flight, safe journey and reassurance that I CAN DO THIS!

It hasn't been easy. Its been hard. Although I know I CAN DO THIS...I still wonder, God can I ACTUALLY REALLY DO THIS? This will be the first time in my life that I'll be gone for 14 weeks without seeing my family. It's the first time that I'll be living out of a suitcase for 14 weeks. This is the first time I will be a GO Coordinator for 2 sites- neither of them close by- Vancouver and St. John's- thats right, both ends of the country! And although this afternoon I was wanting to be home with my family, be home with Mom this Mother's Day, I know in 2-4-6-8-10-12 weeks from now...I'll be thinking back at this moment and laughing, and if anything, will be crying because GO will almost be over!

Like any new beginning its never easy. There are always some challenges, some obstacles that get in the way, second guessing and wondering if we can just turn around and forget the whole thing. But I know it takes time, it takes some adjustment, some getting use to, some time to settle down...and eventually everything will fall into place. I'm excited for that moment to come, and know it will be soon. But for now its a whirlwind of emotions. Within them all feeling so blessed for the warm welcome and hospitality of St. John's and feeling so blessed for the love and support that's coming from home.

In this whirlwind I also give thanks and feel a great amount of blessings for that wonderful woman who answers when I call 'Mom'. To the woman that holds my heart close to hers. Who calms my fears and rejoices in my success. To the one that loves me through thick and thin, and supports all that I do, all that I am, all that I will become. Mom, thank for the support, friendship, advice, laughter, guidance, and most importantly love.

Well its time for a big glass of water to flush the system and I'm off to bed.
Sweet dreams

Feelin' Blessed

My heart is beating so fast and although its super late at night, I’m tired and sore, and my eyes just want to close, I’m forcing myself to sit and write. To sit on this pull out couch, in a home that’s not my own, and forcing myself to take the time to reflect on all this good that’s happened over the past week. On all this amazing stuff that I haven’t had the opportunity to write about, and although this blog will be written tonight, but wont be posted (due to no internet), until the morning, I need to write while I’m in the moment. This authentic moment.

I can’t help but reflect on how awesome my friends are and how lucky I am to have such caring, loving, funny and compassionate people in my life. This whole week, while living in a city that is unfamiliar, I have been reminded time and time again—I am so blessed!

So quick recap: I’m in Toronto for coordinator training, finishing up our second week. I’m staying in a family from the congregation, however last week stayed with my Aunt’s friends. I’m going home this weekend for London Conference, coming back to Toronto for our last week of training, then home for discernment meeting and final packing…and on May 12 I fly to St. John’s for 2 weeks. These 2 weeks will be time for program prep. Then I head to Vancouver for 6 weeks- 2 weeks of program prep, 1 week of staff training, 1 week of program prep with staff, 2 weeks program. I then fly back to St. John’s with my team for 4 weeks- 1 week program prep with staff, 2 weeks program and then our last week together for final debrief. Hopefully after the final debrief I’ll be heading home to London for a quick suitcase change, and then I’ll be going to Ottawa for a week of General Council. It all seems crazy when you really look at it- however a crazy that makes me SO excited for the summer, for the adventures, and for all the new opportunities.

Amidst the crazy, training here in Toronto has been so life giving and been such a reminder that through any amount of crazy there are people here supporting and upholding me through it all.

Starting last weekend, on my weekend off, my Mom’s longest and closest dear friend Marsha picked me up at the train station Friday night, and we headed back to their home in the country. I had the chance to stay the night at their home and be with Tony, their daughters Meghan, Claire, and Laura, as well as Travis, Nathan and the new grandbaby Adele. I’m not even sure the word wonderful could really do justice for how wonderful it was. I had such a great time visiting, meeting sweet Adele, seeing Claire’s baby bump, and hearing all the exciting happenings of the Watt’s family. It was so great! The next morning, after crawling into bed with Marsha and having some good heart to heart conversations, Tony, Marsha and I went out for brunch and did some errands. We then said goodbye to Tony and Marsha and I went to Sheridan College to view and art show, followed by dinner and lots of conversation. It was so lovely and made me realize why Mom and Marsha are such dear friends, but also reminded me at how blessed I am that Mom's friends, love us kids almost like their own. 

That Sunday was also the day that Dad totally shocked me and arrived at Islington to worship with us. He knew that the GO Coordinators were being presented in worship and wanted to be there. At first I was taken aback and worried something was up, but once reassured he was there to visit, support and just to worship, my heart fully smiled. As I type this I’m actually getting teary eyed just fully reflecting on the fact that Dad drove 2 hours to worship with, and support me. How am I so blessed?

Tuesday night, Alana and I went to my first Blue Jay game and met up with Jess and Trevor along with 2 of Alana’s friends from school. It was so much fun and thanks to Trevor for answering all my questions I no longer need the “Understanding Baseball for Dummies” book. Who knew there was so much more then hitting the ball and running to bases. With a walk off home run (I hope that’s the right expression), the Jay’s won 8-7! With a win in our pockets and 2 birthdays, yes Jess and Mariah birthday were on May 2, we headed for a drink at a pub. It was great connecting with friends whom I met at Brock, and having a great evening out. 

Today the GO coordinators headed to Willowdale United, the congregation that our dear friend Rev. Sarah Chapman is the minister, and we helped construct their community garden. It really was a transformational day. As Lauren said, ‘it went from some lumpy grass, to 8 beautiful garden plots’ and as individuals from all walks of life, different ages and experiences came forward to ask questions as we worked away, you could tell this garden would become a transformational place for many within community. Lauren, Sarah and I, along with the youth, stayed later to fill the plots of soil, and then after dropping the youth off, went back to their place for some time of relaxation and hang outs. It was great to have a spiritual and physical transformation outside all day, and then come back to talk about life, challenges, excitements, friends, joys, frustrations and everything in between. A physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally fulfilling day!

So although my life is pretty crazy with work, I haven't had the opportunity to blog as much as I would like, and I'm pretty tired with a crappy seasonal cold; I am feeling pretty blessed for all the opportunities, chances to connect with friends, and for all the support and love that surrounds me.