Subway thoughts

Over the past couple of days, while commuting from the house I'm staying at, to the church I'm working at, I've had LOTS of time to think. My mind has been all over the map...and sometimes, thats a good thing.

First off I need to point out- I am SO thankful to the Skrinskas's for allowing me to stay here, however after day 1 and stop #4, on my 1.5 hour commute, I was long over the subway. I thought it would be fun to be one of those busy business people, who look so fashionable on the subway with their backpacks, dress pants and long black coats. Holding the bar with one hand, and a coffee and paper in the other, all while talking on the cell phone. You know who I'm talking about right?! Well, those people DON'T exist, and by stop #3 I realized there is nothing fun about the subway, and by stop #4 I was long over it. My first day and first time doing the transfer of lines, I realized people need to just calm down, slow down, and take a chill pill. We all have places to be and things to do, but the pushing, shoving, yelling, fighting, swearing, and running is all to much. Life it to precious to be rushing it away. So come Saturday I'm transferring my stuff to a family of the congregation and staying with them. They are right across from the church and this will save me this commute and stress of the morning. Only 2 more days of experiencing 'the real Toronto'.

*** okay, subway rant is over ***

Other thoughts:

I am pretty blessed. After a great day of GO Project coordinator training, I got together with family friends for dinner. It was nice to leave work at work, and go out with friends whom I don't seen often enough. We gathered at an Irish pub just down the street from the church and had an amazing time. So much laughter and happiness around the table, and a time to just relax and enjoy the evening. Was also so great to get to know friends on a deeper level and share stories otherwise not shared. Not only am I blessed with these people in my life, but also their support and love towards my future goals.

The bus driver this morning made me so happy and the whole way to work I kept thinking of how uplifting he was to start off my early morning. Right before turning into the subway station he got on the PA system and said something along the lines of... "Good morning Folks, just arriving at the subway station now and wanted to wish you all a wonderful morning and day ahead. Remember its hump day, only 2 more days until the weekend, and don't forget tonights the lottery. May you all have such a remarkable day, may the sun shine in your hearts, may you be stay safe and God bless" (and for the record, hump day, sun shine in hearts, and God bless were the actual words he used) I couldn't help but think how his little message lifted my spirits and had me smiling so early in the morning. When I got off I wanted to give him a great big hug, instead I just said thanks for the message and continued on my way.

The GO Project lead worship at the General Council office this morning and let's just say we kicked some serious butt. I am so inspired by my friends that I work with, and their wisdom, voice and leadership amaze me everyday. I felt energized by the Spirit, and have a feeling the theme of the worship service will be our theme for the summer. Only time will tell.

After the subway ride home tonight and sharing in the company of Lauren for half of the journey, again I recognized the power of perspective. It's all how you perceive something to be, your attitude towards a certain situation, and what angle your lens is pointed. Over the next couple of weeks, as I continue to transition, I need to keep this in the back of my mind. The power of perspective is so important, and I'm the only one who controls it. I guess I should change my perspective on the subway commute and see it as a cultural experience of Toronto rather then a rat race. we'll see about that one. 

My heart is smiling knowing that on Friday I'm heading to see Marsha and Tony and hopefully Meghan, Sean, Claire (and baby bump), Travis, Laura, Nathan and baby Adele! More family friends whom I haven't seen in forever. One great thing about being in Toronto for 3 weeks is the chance to reconnect with friends I haven't seen in awhile.

...okay, its not even 9:30pm, I've had my pj's on for over an hour and I'm tucked in bed falling asleep. The 6am wake ups are making my nights pretty boring. Im off to bed. Sweet dreams

Friday Nuggets...just a little late

Friday nuggets disappeared for a bit and so I thought I would bring them back! Too bad I'm late this week- Oh well, you'll forgive me right?! 

:: The beloved bus stop. For the past 3 years while living in Thorold this has been our stop. Just around the corner from where we lived, last stop before getting to school, first stop coming home. Lots of waiting at this stop. I could describe the tree and the roots perfectly, the electric box, or the garbage bin that was there until 2 weeks ago when it suddenly disappeared. Oh, and it took exactly 3 minutes to walk to the stop (if walking Hillary speed)

:: Walking down the bare halls of Brock on a beautiful sunny spring day.

:: I'm going to miss this place. A LOT! Career Services was where I worked for the past 2 years on campus. Not only did I grow professionally, but also personally. I discovered more of my gifts and skills, created friendships that will last a lifetime, and helped many students through the career planning process. I'll miss this place!!

:: New hair which covers up the grey makes me really happy :)

:: This little peanut also makes me really happy and last Thursday I got the chance to spend an entire day with her. I'm not sure what I'm going to do as I wont be seeing her until the end of August (18 weeks to be exact) and by that time she'll be crawling and standing and ready to move! Thankfully her Mommy loves me and so will send updates of peanut and her big brother so I can survive. 

:: This calendar says so much, represents so much, and reminds me of the amazing times at 10 Tara. April was a crazy month at our house, one of transition and change, and also our last. More on that in another post.

:: After writing an exam in the morning, friends gathered around a big table and we celebrated this beautiful friend's birthday! Happy Birthday Kaylin!

:: I love these two beautiful ladies. Mommy and Sister. 

:: Reunited with my man Alex and clearly nothing has changed. When I started this blog 2 years ago, he was one of my inspirations. When I nannied him, I was so inspired by all the small little things that he brought to life, I had to write. He opened by eyes to taking a moment to reflect on the small things, and celebrate the beauty life has to offer. It was great having him and his Dad's over for dinner! They mean so much to me, great to reunite.

:: And currently this is my living room. All of us are moved out, we've sold furniture and having slumber parties in the living room. 

I hope you had a great weekend, and have an amazing week ahead. I'm off to study for an exam and then theses tired eyes are off to bed. 

Sweet dreams

Transitions

I think its fair to say my life has been in a huge stage of transition. I am transitioning out of University living and have moved back home. I'm transitioning from school to full-time work starting this Sunday. I'm transitioning to this life I dreamt of as a child however with added twists and turns. I think its pretty fair to say I am so blessed with an amazing family, great group of friends, little people that make me laugh and smile and jobs that are full of rich and amazing opportunities. I am living a dream. A dream I didn't think was possible, just a dream that isn't all fairy dust and sparkles- there have been some challenges along the way.

  

But challenges also have rewards.

 

It's all about perspective, and sometimes the beauty of it all is hidden in the most bizarre places. 

I'm trying to find the beauty in my stacks of rubbermaids, piles of shoes, and 10 pillows that are piled beside me. In this mess are piles of memories- all which are beautiful and unique.

I'll be back this week with more on what's actually going on.

Easter Weekend

When Dad picked me up Sunday night at 5pm, after spending 4 days with two of my little buddies, he smiled and said so honestly and yet so sincerely "well hun, you're nuts". I wasn't sure what kind of response I should give him, so I smiled and lightly laughed as I thought to myself 'I'm not sure he'll ever understand, I'm not sure anyone actually understands'.


I've been given the look many times in my life. That look of are you nuts? why dont you just say no? are you sure you want to do this? and my absolute favourite you're 22, aren't you too old for that? All of these comments referring to the fact that I still babysit. That I still pour every ounce of my being into my darling little buddies that I love and adore. 

  

Yes, I woke up to the alarm of JD's voice at 7:20am. Showered while peaking my head out to make sure little peanut was happy and content. Held Meredith on my hip while getting breakfast, lunch and dinner made, laid on the floor playing trains and running around a playground pretending we were on a bus. I changed bums in the back of the van, tested rice cereal to make sure it wasn't too hot, and talked to feet 'Rodger and Lenny' to get the daily report. There were times I forgot I needed to go pee, drink water or eat lunch. I didn't have perfect hair, a full face of makeup, nor perfectly clean clothes...but dude I was happy. I poured all the love and energy I could into caring for my 2 buddies and I was happy. Ridiculously happy. 

  

There’s something so satisfying about staying home with kids, about taking care of two precious lives while their parents are gone, and spending every minute with them. Waking up to footed-pyjama babies, big smiles, and lots of 'Morning Miss Hillary' hugs. Playing outside and hearing the calls of 'Come here and see', or bouncing little peanut at just the right speed to put her to sleep. I love the fact that JD would argue with me but knew the limits, or that Meredith would cry until I snuggled her close and held on tight. I'm not saying I left rested, relaxed and felt like I was on a holiday, nor am I saying it was an easy weekend. It was a far cry from any of that. I am however saying, I left happy. Ridiculously happy.

  

My heart spills over with love when I spend time with my little people. My energy bucket gets filled and replenished, and I leave feeling like I want to sleep for a solid day and come back the next. If there are two things in life that feed by soul and make me running back for more, its worship and my little people...and the days that I'm worshiping with my little people is like winning the lottery, and then some.

   

My heart also beats a little extra fast when holidays are celebrated and memories made. The fairy dust is sprinkled and magic unfolds. Whether it be a silly holiday like Valentine's Day, or bigger like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas, they are all reasons to call for the pixie dust and celebrate. I think its important to remember the true meaning of Easter, that Christ is risen, however it's also fun to take part in some Easter fun and join in on the Easter Bunny excitement. Saturday morning we joined with hundreds of other people and went to our ski hill for the annual Easter Egg hunt. The kids had an amazing time and there was indeed lots of laughter and memories created.

  

Saturday evening, we joined the rest of my family for some Easter dinner. The weather was beautiful which allowed us to all be outside and enjoy the Spring weather. Neighbours came over for drinks and appetizers and the boys all played so nicely in the backyard. Miss Meredith hung onto me for dear life, and was very unsure of all these strangers. As I loaded up the car to head home, with the help of my sister and Mom, we had to laugh. I turned to the two of them and was like "Oh boy, I hope this isn't my future. I'm the last one to arrive and first to leave, single-mom of two with no husband and a child that hates my family'. haha. I swear I left far more exhausted then I did when I arrived, however I highly enjoyed seeing my dear family, and enjoyed Easter dinner with them.

  

 

Sunday the Easter Bunny arrived and as you can see from the pictures below there were 2 very incredible happy children. I too was smiling as I lived the magic of Easter through the eyes of a 3 year old. We collected chocolate eggs, read new stories, but soon turned to breakfast and conversation about what Easter was all about. As we drove to church that morning I asked JD "Do you know why we celebrate Easter?"He looked at me so sweetly and said "Because the Easter bunny, and something to do with Jesus". I looked backed, smiled and said "That's exactly right!" A perfect answer from a 3 year old.

 

And so with some chocolate, bunny magic, and something to do with Jesus, that was my Easter weekend. I was incredibly happy!

Mind is racing...hands typing'

I'm not really sure what to write. I've neglected the blog lately and its not because I don't want to write. I miss it. My blog is a place that is my own. Where I am free to write what I want, when I want. It's my own little corner that I share with the world.

Its just lately I'm stuck. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. This transition is killing me and I just want it to be over...yet in 5 months from now I'll be longing to have it back. I know I will.

Essays, final presentations, group projects and exams have been on my mind. Every time I feel like I've crossed something off the list, there's another thing to be done. I have a HUGE essay due on Thursday which I'm terrified for, and the minute I hand it in, the professor is giving us our take home exam which is due the following week. It's never ending. On top of the stress of school work, Brock ESL professors, all 38 of them, are on strike causing some classes to be cancelled and a mess at the school. A part of me hopes they continue the strike so that exams can be cancelled and marks changed around- yet at the same time, now that the strike has past 5 days, there is fear exams will be pushed back.

I'm also in the midst of packing because on Wednesday I'm going home for Easter weekend, and moving half my stuff home. We found it much cheaper to do two small moves home then 1 big run. I'm beginning to think though, sometimes cheaper isn't always easier. My walls are beginning to go bare, boxes starting to pile and moving is very much in my face.

I have a discernment meeting on Thursday and to be honest I haven't really thought much about it, the actual meeting that is. However, there is never a day that goes by where I don't think of what God's calling me to do in this world. Lately as I've been writing papers on diversity, or children with learning disabilities, I've been wondering how this will affect my future. Where am I going? How will this knowledge better my understanding of this world? A part of me wants to drop out of University or graduate this Spring with a 3 year degree because I believe my heart is calling me to different directions- yet the type A in me is reminding me to have the backup plan.

Today is also Palm Sunday- the Sunday where we celebrate Jesus' entry into Jerusalem, where palm leaves are waved and songs of Hosanna are sung. But today, I'm stuck writing a paper on migrant workers. Very little similarity. 


My April calendar is jammed full and it feels like there is little time to do it all. I've been saying no to plans I once made, giving away shifts at work so I can fill my time with things on the 'to-do' list and while trying to get-it-all-done, also trying to enjoy the last moments.

The last moments of University living. Of staying up late and watching movies, sitting around with the girls chatting and enjoying a beer. I'm trying to memorize the sounds of feet upstairs, or laughter coming from the next room. Its surreal. It feels like yesterday that I moved into University, and in a mere 2 weeks I'll be officially moved out. There is sadness, but also excitement. Fear and stress, but joy and happiness.

***

I just stopped to re-read what I just typed. I'm not sure where I was going with it all. But that's the joy of blogging. I guess my hands just put together what my mind has been thinking. I feel 100% times better. I needed to throw it all out there. I needed to get it out. To write. To put my thoughts into words. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Whew. I needed that.

I'm off to continue with this essay.
You however, should go grab yourself a cup of tea, a warm blanket and good book
If not for yourself, for me.
Happy Sunday